devilangel blogging at elowel.org
06-08-06 19:14
school has started again...YEAH!!!! *sarcasm* well, it's not too bad so far. i get away from my bitch of a mother and an ass of her husband. - he's not my dad - but hey, only 2 years to go. what about you pplz??? school for me, by the way, is not because I failed a class - I didn't anyway - but its to get more credits for college and stuff with community service. funny thing is, I do community service at the same place I usually do...wierd.
05-21-06 16:21
things don't like to improve in life now do they?! IT SUCKS!!! my mother wanted my brother and I to go on this trip to support one of her husband's sons for a concert thing in Utah and we didn't want to go. we already had other stuff planned. I had my choir final - yeah, I love to sing, so sew me?! - and that was also a concert. the next day I had an orientation night thing at the local college for a pre-college program thing. a couple of my friends went with me. I just told my mother that I was depressed adn she asked me why. AFTER, we just had to put my dog down 2 DAYS AGO!!! Damn she is STUPID when it comes to things like that. She doesn't understand anything about my brother and I. she thinks that being a student has not complicated at all since she was in high school.

It's windy outside...

hey, which guys think that when a girl...squeaks when you poke her sides, or somthing like that, is cute...?

I was told that when a girl squeaks when a guy does that, they are...more responsive in bed.

then there is the torture game...muahahahahaaaa!!! that's always fun!!!
05-11-06 18:41
hello. today and the past couple of weeks have a blissful torture. I finally got to see my love and then I have to go...I was totally and truely happy all the way through for once in a long time. I miss it. now i wait in a blissful siffering...thinking back on the perfectly wonderful times of my life. allowing my heart and person some happiness. some peace. were i stand in this damned place with the damned people they call parents in a so called 'family' I reside. things are not the tipical life of a person. It's truley hard to understand unless you have gotten a taste of it in your own life. only a few have had, and do have, similar lives as I. actually, it's only about 3 others. nothing more. nothing less. and apparently my evil twin is in Oregon. right where I want to be. home. not this hellish void. I want to feel safe for once and not have to be gaurded with blood. from blood. for blood. my heart cries from the pain. as anyones would. I am no different. my life might have been ended already, but someones words touched me.

"you can not get what you want if your dead."

so very true. words that I repeat over and over when I feel like giving up. I think of that and the people closest to me, what would they do?! What chaos would it bring?! or what happiness would it bring to those who are my enemies?! my parents...they would be sad for they have lost their puppet and maid. those damned power hungry people!!! and they wonder why I am the way I am...

wish they would let me live my life the way a life should be lived. not a a job or a chore or a burden. but the corageous are the ones who live life. how am I supposed to be that when I only move about in it in my blissfull sufferings?!?!?! that I ask of the world and may never get an answer...
04-19-06 15:58
my sweetheart wrote me "...do you think I will be a good dad?..." i think Of course. I ask my little one if my sweetheart will be a good dad and he says, "He will be funny!!! yes." He said that so matter of factly that I wanted to laugh and hug him at the same time!!! It was sooooo cute!!! <3333333333333
5 04-14-06 16:53
5 persons on the mind:

you are a person who causes much of the chaos my life already has. you put yourself first and your 'love', who you end up talking bad about behind this person back, you don't see the chaos that you reign upon the little weak ones who can only idley sit by and watch you administer your caos while ones they care for suffer from it. but, I am thankful for, one of us is out of your grasp and comes to me istead of you and you know nothing of this 'cause your so rapped up in the rewards of things that are not rightfully earned by you. you demand respect when you give non yourself. it is earned and not given. i hate you some days but because of what you are i love you too.

you are one of my saviors. I will forever thank you for it. you help me deal with the troubles life throw's at us. you are one of the most respectable people I know. you, my special person, have many similar difficulties as I. we sit, taking the blows as best we are able, waiting for the chance to fly. I hate how I am unable to rescue you from at least some of the turmoil that you face from the evil cat who wants total reign on all your pretty feathers, but you know I am here as I know you are there. you are a person who needs to be respected, deserves the respect, of the highest, most honored person on earth. you help keep me on my path. you are a bird who deserves to be set free. I love you, the most beutiful bird in the world.

my knight. my loving knight. you may be so far away, but no matter what I know are hearts are linked. as you too believe. you are put into situations because of your hearts constant kindness and you fight the lonliness in your heart just as I do. you stand strong in your beliefs, on which I lean. I lean on the size of your heart, the comfort of the hug last given by you to me. you save me from peril with your words and that of a friend. you are my knight who I gladly wait for. the protector of my heart. sadly you will never see this for you are so far away. you deserve many a things. many happy moments in time. even if I am not with you I pray you will think of my and I think of you often enough that if I told people somehting about you and of why I smile for no reason they would go crazy. you make my cloudy sky turn sunny bright. someday I wish to repay you my kinght in shining armor. my heart will forever remain yours as I offer you access to it with open arms. I know you will take it, even though it is broken, shattered, and glued back together, I know for you have already accepted it. you are one of two who melt my heart when you tell me that you love me. I love you my dearest knight.

you are the other. laughing so happily. smiling so broadly. somehow, i find myself laughing and smiling with you. you bring to me a srtange burst of energy when we play together. you melt my heart as if I were your mother. which you do so because the one you had is gone and the one we now share is not like a mother at all. she is like the devil herself. I am glad I can protect you from rain, wind, her. I will protect from as much as I can and not too much that you do not learn on your own and what freedom is. I protect you so your laughing smiles can keep brightening my world. my sweet little one. you helped my heart melt from it's icy perch and drive away some of it's sadness and bruises. you are one who I adore and constantly talk about to my friends. even when the time you poured lotion all over my room cause it smelled nice and you wanted my room to smell nice too. I love you so much my little one. you will always be one for everyone to cherish. you have such a kind heart that it amazes me since what you have been through. it has helped me not to dwell on the past, but to remember it. you allow me to be silly and not laugh at me for it. you flirt with my female friends and are cute to no end. you will always be my little one no matter what life throws at me. I will be strong for you so you can keep on laughing, smiling, playing happily, and brightening my day. I love you, my little treasure.

this one is for a special someone who I call my baby. for I care much about you as if you were also, indeed my child. you can not see well at all anymore, hear not well anymore, and you have aches that I may never be able to remedy. but I will take care of you as best I can. you have watched me grow up, played with me when I had no friends. listened when I talked, and talked back. comforted me when no one knew I hurt and when no one would. you were there to give me a kiss on the cheeck every day and to wake me from my sleep for school. you watch over me even in your state of health. I will forever treasure you. you are also not going to be around for very much longer for you grow old and ache so much that it hurts me some days to see it. you have also endured my mother with me. and inspired many a thing with me. art in particular. I will love you forever.
04-03-06 13:27
I was wondering...when did they discover that life is not fair??? Two of my friends mom's are being...pains. What is up with power hungry mothers?!?! The world may never know, but if anyone can give me a hint it will be most appriciated.
03-06-06 20:47
hello. I am bored. bored out of my mind. Things are hectic as usual. My Miss Queen B is nice one second then bitching at me the next minutes of my life. Nothing strange. I am her outlet. Hate it, but better me than my little Newt. I even have to protect my baby! and she's a dog! no one should abuse a creater of earth! not even snakes. They are pretty cool, though. Now, arachnids - spiders - scare the crap out of me and yet I am facinated by them....wierd person going saine in an insaine world am I?! Well, Miss Queen B and her Honey Bear are gone for the moment. Delving in their sweetnest of insanity; or love, as they call it. I am one not to complain for I am as well in love. Prob. My significant other is 5 and 1/2 hours away from me and I him. I am still bored. blah. blah. blah. Who am I to bitch about things??? When so many others have it FAR worse than I do??? In Iraq! for example. How many people there actually have a roof over their heads?! Lets just say there are A LOT that don't, but that's common knowledge. We also have to think of other things...food, medicine, and OH! HELL! gtg. Miss Queen B and her Honey Bear are home.
things are a bit wierd. a guy friend of mine has a girl and yet he was...kinda flirting with me...hmmm. he also seemed to try and hold my hand...*by the way, his girlfriend goes to a different school than him and I do* He kept on tickling me and poking me. I found his ticklish spots though. *muahahahahhahahaaaa!!!*
funny thing is, added to all this, is that he had me sit with him in a little seat sized for about one person...maybe one and a half...
I find this all funny and quite interesting.
Pissed!!! 02-20-06 20:25
I am so pissed off right now!!! My mom just asked me why I was not smiling and so I told her. It's becuase I do not like getting volunteered and told, Oh! I would love to do her laundry or dishes or whatever my parents have asked me to do. My step-dad came up with the "She would love to" thing. My mom just used that when she 'volunteered' me to do a job for a friend of hers. WITHOUT asking me!!! Where is a god damn punching bag when you need one?!?!?! Everytime my mom cooks she leaves me the dishes. Tonight she said, "well, I did most of the dishes!" in a what are you complaining about way. I didn't even eat dinner with them and they tell me to pick up their dishes!!! Pisses me off! I just get yelled at since I wasn't smiling around them even though I spent a day and a half at one of my best friends' house! Geez! Miss Queen B was saying that I have PLENTY of time to put in one hour of cleaning the house everyday and that it would hurt me. and that she puts in at least 3 hours of cleaning a day. Well, I guess the chore that she assigned me to do, get rid of about half my stuff in my room to make room for a 9 year old new step-sister, that took me 4 hours to almost finish today! Was on my own spare time. I was forced to put off my math homework bacuse of her! Like she knows anyway. I can never tell her too much of anything anymore. and hell, do I mean ANYTHING!!! I told her I was helping one of my friends with their homework 'cause they fell behind in a class since they were, that she said me, "Great! Your gonna have bad grades now too! Don't you dare do that to me!" and then she goes off on this it's unfair to me crap speech that she does everytime I tell her something aobut my life or how I feel. Oh! and when I tell her that I am kinda slow today since I am a little stressed and/or worried. she goes and asks, "What do you have to be stressed about??? Your life is luxury compared to how mine was when I was your age!" Damn it woman! Arg!!! She pisses me off so bad!!! She even yelled at me for helping my little brother when he needed help with something and all she did was just stand there expecting him to take care of the problem himself. For Godsake's he's just in kindergarden! Miss Queen B is even having him answer the phone now too! and she's having him start to wash his dishes and put them away on his own!

I say just damn it all!!!
Hearts... 12-30-05 10:54
I fugured something out...(I don't care if ppl read this or not) but, our hearts have a feeling that consumes them at one time or another or even their whole lives. This is what I believe my family's is:

Mom: Hatred
Lil' brother: Fear
Older brother: A wanting to be his own man
Grandma: Kindness, love, and understanding, bu there is a little of a turmoil air about her I have caught a couple of times
Grandpa: Sadness and love
Me: Pain, masked by sadness, which is masked by anger, masked by depression
My blood dad: Unsure of what to do


Our hearts determine who we are. They choose what we are like. Some people don't know what is in their hearts and that may even put them in turmoil when they get the question that they give themselves when it finally comes into reality. In one time or another a question dealing whith who or what a person (other questions are possible) but, what is the answer? Which is right and which is wrong? Truth is, the person themselves is the only one who is able to answer those questions. No one for them. People may only help the person see the qualities in the person.

How is a person to find their own qualities in themselve?! By others. Each person see's themselve differently than others do. Than the world does. We are only able to see them in ourselves if someone tells us they are there or shows us or other...we may think that we are good at something to ourselves , but are we really to others? How are we to know unless we are told?!

But if one is told goods things all the time, their hearts are filled with happiness usually, but only if the comments are meant and not just said. If they are just said, that causes more harm than good. One thing, our hearts are more than skin deep, if pleople don't look hard enough then they won't find the goodness of some hearts. Some are hidding because of pain, fear, sadness, anger, shyness, hatred, and there are many other reasons why people would hide their hearts. Just try to take the time to look...
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